This is one of the primary problems in gastropod-human relationships: slugs cannot--no matter how much we want to--shrug. We have no shoulders. The most we can manage is a sort of heaving forward with our upper bodies, which generally looks like we're trying to run away but our tails have gotten stuck to the ground.
You see, I believe that we are perceived as unfriendly because of our lack of ability to shrug. I might be just casually crossing a body's front porch, and when the front porch's owner steps out and says, "Just what do you think you're doing there?" if I could, I would surely give a genteel shrug with downward cast eyestalks that says, "Oh, just passing through, didn't mean to bother you. I'll be on my way." And that would be that.
But without the shrug, I am a cold, rude invader. I seem, to the uninformed, to be deliberately ignoring all attempts at friendliness. Without the ability to communicate multitudes with a casual gesture of my nonexistent shoulders, all is lost.
Slugs are not snobs; we're not unfriendly types at all. So put the shovel and the shoe and other tortures beginning with "s" away. If we slugs can forgive you your heavy-wheeled garden carts and ridiculously double shod feet, I beg you to forgive us this one foible, that we cannot communicate, as you do, so eloquently with a simple shrug.
13 October 2008
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4 comments:
I'm sorry you can't shurg Slug... That's almost as sad as having no name.
I am begining to think a Slug's life is rather morose.
One question.. If you can't shrug, I am wondering how can you type????
Bewildered in Bellingham
My dear B,
Whoever said I was sad to be nameless? I find it quite comfortable.
A question for you: do you find shrugging and typing directly related? I ask only because I am wondering if one might be used as an exercise for the other. Perhaps one day I will be able to shrug after all. The answer to your question is...
very slowly.
Actually yes I find that being able to lift my shoulders in that "WTF???" method of shurgging we humans do oh so often, is an important aspect of my typing prowess.
Also with out shoulders you have nothing to attach arms to, with out arms, nothing to attach hands to, with out hands, nothing to attach fingers to and since you have none of the above, nor even any hips, legs, feet or toes, I started to wonder... "hmmmmmm, how on earth can 'poor slug' even manage to type?
So really Slug, you have yet to answer the question of the intricate physical aspects of typing one needs to go through. SO since you can't shrug, how can you type?
My dear human,
While I do envy you the expressivity of shoulders, I must correct your assumption that typing requires finger, and therefore the attachment of said fingers to the body.
Typing is accomplished by pressure on keys. Any object with mass may press on keys, and when performed in an intentional order, this is known as "typing."
Thus, I stick to my answer:
Very slowly.
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