Featured Creature: It's Good to be Confused

Yes, that is correct. Forget everything you've heard about confusion being a negative trait. It's not.

Not if you're a confused flour beetle.

That's right: the confused flour beetle. She's one of the most common insects in pantries and supermarkets all across the United States, yet hardly anyone knows her name. No wonder all of her family is confused. You'd be having an identity crisis too.

For you bug-squeamish humans, fear not.  The confused flour beetle really is a person, just like you. She and her friends enjoy munching on some cereal in the morning, maybe some crackers and fresh fruit throughout the day, and even some chocolate to share with her favorite he-beetle. Don't worry, mom, the CFB gets her protein from good old beans and nuts, so just think of her as a well-rounded critter who helps keep your groceries company and helps you - albeit very slowly - clean up some of those pantry spills. Since CFBs only eat cracked and powdered grains, beans, and other kernels, you don't have to worry about sharing your whole supper, so why not just make friends and get along? Okay, so some people think they have a bit of an odor, but really, sometimes, don't you stink just a little bit too?

Let's show some love to the confused.

Featured Creature: The Plucky Pill Bug

Surely you've heard of the star of Order Isopoda: the roly-poly, the pill bug, every human child's best friend?

These friendly little fellows can be found throughout the world, though they originate from Europe. Often accused by gardeners of massive plant destruction, these roly-poly denizens of the dirt certainly can eat living plants, but most species are just as happy to munch on dead plant and animal manner, helping to break down these remnants of life and return them to the ecosystem. In other words, they are useful members of society as well as being cute. How many child stars and supermodels can say that?

Made up of segmented plates, pill bugs can curl up into a tight, self-protecting ball when disturbed, portraying what I must say is an ideal combination. My own snail cousins must tote their shells around on their backs, making it laughably difficult for them to squeeze into tight spaces. I, on the other hand, am sleek and agile, but lack the protection of a carapace of any kind. The pill bugs have it right: maximum protection with minimal loss of flexibility. Kudos to you, my friends.

Pill bugs also have the distinction of being fun for human girls and boys to play with. Even the more squeamish types who would never handle my friends the nightcrawlers are likely to play with slime-free roly-polys. I've seen little girls make homes for them in doll houses and boys let these quick little bugs drive their toy trucks. Or maybe those were girls with the trucks and boys with the houses. I never can tell your human sexes apart.

If you choose to make pets of your pill bugs, remember to include plenty of moisture and oxygen and a variety of tasty things to eat. Better yet, let them roam free. Any time you want some company, just lift up the flower pot. They'll be there.

Fictional Creatures Are People Too

Today, in honor of the new widget I installed (check out the sidebar; it's a blog feed from a sf/horror publisher that is, if not slug friendly, at least slug aware) I am using the second installment of "featured creature" to discuss one of my favorite mythical beasts. It is also one that far too few people are aware of.

I am writing, of course, about the tatzelwurm.

Reputed to have the back half of a serpent and head and front legs similar to a cat, can you imagine the predicament this wondrous beast is in? Such a curious mind and articulate paws, plus the power and propulsion of a serpent's tail. There is no place this creature cannot go, though it may make quite a flurry of thumps and scrabblings to get there. This is where the difficulties come in, for a cat relies on silence and deftness in the hunt. Serpents are much the same. But when a heavy forebody is not aerodynamically compatible with the coil-and-spring hindbody...well, let's just say it's a lucky day for the prey. 

Perhaps the catered diet of the domestic cat would be best for these creatures, but I'm afraid they are out of luck when it comes to being adopted as pets.  You see, even if they are able to find a human who finds the serpentine parts just as cuddly as the feline, there are certain aspects of cats and snakes that just don't go well together.

If you've ever met a cat with a delicate digestive system, you know exactly what I'm referring to. Imagine the hairballs the tatzelwurm must toss, and how hard it must try to keep its food going in the proper direction as it springs forth and tumbles around, going on about its day. Perhaps it is best that these beasts lurk deep in the unfathomed European shadows (or in the minds of those who pass near them).  I'm quite grateful that my hindparts match my foreparts. I'll take the slow and slimy way over whiskers any day.

Featured Creature: The Mighty Dust Mite

Don't you groan or shudder or roll your eyes. The mighty dust mite is one of the more useful and fascinating creatures this world has to offer, and you should give thanks to them for the services they provide. Oh, sure, some people are allergic to them and get a little itchy, but suck it up, my friends, and I don't mean with a vacuum cleaner.

These friendly little microscopic bugs get along much better than any human beings I've ever known. Even better than most slugs. Ten million of them can coexist peacefully within the confines of one mattress, while half the time that's a feat a mere two humans can't accomplish.

The beauty of dust mites is that they eat what you leave behind. The shed skin from your and your pets' bodies can keep a whole community of dust mites fed for years and years. You can help support a dust mite colony by keeping your home nice and warm and humid and not throwing out old pillows, mattresses and carpeting. Also, wash your sheets very infrequently so you can rest assured that you're cuddling up with your favorite microscopic friends every night.

Although household dust mites are too small to see with the naked eyestalk, you may be able to sense their presence if you have an allergic reaction such as itchy eyes and other symptoms associated with pollen-type allergies. Don't worry; you're not allergic to the mites themselves, just their droppings. Think of it as an opportunity: if you are the first person to litter box train dust mites, your fortunes are practically guaranteed. Don't forget to bring a microscope and an endless supply of patience.