Addicted

Hey sluggo,

You say most slugs don't speak human languages, so how did you learn to type in one? I mean, I know a lot of people say they learn from watching TV, but that wouldn't teach you to type or spell or be snotty about grammar like you are, so what gives?

~Curiouser Than Alice

Dear Alice the Cat,

Once upon a time when I was a young slug, I fell asleep under a rock outside a window. On the other side of the pane sat a small child with a CD player, and in that player was a "Hooked on Phonics" CD. The track was stuck on repeat. I awoke from my nap with a craving for diphthongs and have been feeding my addiction ever since by slithering into libraries late at night and browsing the stacks and the Internet stations until the tip of my tail goes dry.

Yes folks, that is correct: Hooked on Phonics worked for me. It drove me to seek real knowledge that did not come from irritating voices that threatened to scrape the slime from my skin. Once I knew the words, typing was simple. Just very...very...slow.

~A nameless slug in the Pacific Northwest