Recipe for Success

Dear slug,

I don't really have a good question to ask, but I figured I'd toss a couple of dumb ones your way just to...you know...keep you busy or something.

So:

a. How do I make a million dollars without having to work really hard?

b. Where do you get your answers?

~ Bored in Boston

Dear Bordston,

Thank you for being so concerned about my idle time. It's nice to know there are such caring folks out there.

a. Here is the recipe for a million dollars. Gather the following ingredients together and make sure to adhere to the recipe precisely.

In a large pot, stir together:
1/2 cup good intentions (must be fresh)
3/4 cup laziness (can substitute procrastination)
4 large gold teeth (need not be human; in fact, triceratops teeth work best)
16 drops rubbing alcohol (for purity)
A dash of nutmeg (optional)

Once those are stirred together, add precisely 5 milligrams of the secret ingredient.

I can't tell you what the secret ingredient is, but if you prepare the rest of the mixture from time to time and add 5 milligrams of anything that strikes your fancy, perhaps one day you will hit upon the correct combination and become rich. Of course, you'll get rich a lot faster by selling those triceratops teeth.

b. They're hidden under a rock in my favorite yard.

Best of luck with your concoctions.

Slughugs,
~A nameless slug in the Pacific Northwest