Dear slug,

You said you were a European Black Slug. Does the term "Black Friday" offend you?

~Ellen P.

Dear Ep,

I can't be offended every time someone uses the term "black" in a questionable manner, but frankly, I find the term baffling. Ignoring for the moment any racist connotations there may be, aren't days designated as black supposed to refer to times when stockbrokers jump out of windows? I kept an eyestalk out for falling brokers all day, but saw nary a one. Apparently this day has to do with spending money, not simply losing it, so perhaps the stockbrokers were too busy carrying their shiny new packages home to bother finding high windows to jump out of. This whole "Cyber Monday" thing I can deal with, though. Maybe with so many people online today I'll get a few intriguing questions.

A thought for you in this season of unfettered spending: if a) money doesn't generally buy happiness, and b) money doesn't generally buy slugs, then c) slugs must be happiness. Of course, "slug" is an outdated term for a coin, so there may be a deeper relationship there that will mix things up a bit. Still, I hold to my point: slug = happiness, with or without money. Happy Monday.

Slughugs,
~A nameless slug in the Pacific Northwest