Potentially Serious

This news item torqued my tentacles today.

Hawaiians importing Christmas trees from Oregon seems logical when one thinks about it; I'd simply never thought of it before, agnostic gastropod that I am. But leave it to a snail specialist to make sound as though the impending slug army was about to spell doom for all vegetables in tropical paradise.

I shudder to think of those sandy beaches and wide-open searing blue skies. Perhaps, rather than rushing to judgment of the unfortunate travelers' intentions, the plant specialists might have turned an ear downward and listened to the mournful cries for the grey drizzle of home.

My dear trans-Pacific friends, I hope you are well, but I fear that at the mercy of a snail specialist--as if snails are so terribly complex as to require a specialist of their own--you may have met an untimely demise. May the cool winds and warm rains of the Aftermulch shroud you in their care.

Farewell.