Season of sharing, stalkers and slugs

It's still unseasonably snowy in my measure of mulch, so I'll be cutting down my posts from now until the end of the year to just two or three per week. It's hard to type with frozen tentacles.

Please do keep those questions coming, however. I love to read them and share my slightly mucousy perspective with the world. Let's take this one, for example...

Dear Slug,

Do you believe in Santa Clause? Or is there a Santa Slug? I know you said you only have that one holiday with the funny spelling, but you can believe in Santa, right? Or not. But you can at least give other people presents, right? And in case you want to, I've included my address but please don't post it okay?

From Molly.

Dear Miss Mall,

Slugs don't do much shopping, and I prefer to give the gift of knowledge. So know this: there is no such thing as Santa Slug, though if your parents are not good boys and girls and let the fireplace get damp and clotted with mildew and ash, there may be a slug slithering down your chimney come Christmas eve.

Frankly, I don't see what all the hubbub is about. All the stories and spending and who gives what to whom...why not just share what's there for all to have? I don't send my friends packages full of moss or fine green leaves because I know they already have plenty. If they didn't, I'd invite them over for a good munch in my patch of the world. There is more than enough here to spare.

I know you humans are different, and you can't get by on lettuce alone, but instead of obsessing over the "what is someone going to give me?" side of things, take a look at what you have and figure out a way to share. Invite a friend over for a talk and a meal. Pass along unused clothing or canned food to a charity. You don't need some stalker in a red suit to sneak in during the dead of night--that whole "sees you when you're sleeping/knows when your awake" thing has always given me the shivers--just take a look around and see what you can do with what you have. At the very least, set out a shallow tin of beer for your neigborhood slugs. Please?

Remember, I said shallow.

~A nameless slug in the Pacific Northwest