From Genocide to Generosity

I have slugs in my Christmas Tree. We cut it at a tree farm near our home in Oregon. I keep finding trails on my carpet and have found several small slugs. Other than taking the tree down (which is fully decorated) is there an option to kill them?

~Oregon

Dear State of Misery,

Seriously? You're asking me to recommend how best to wage genocide against my own people? Exactly how much eggnog have you had to drink?

Although we do not celebrate Christmas, just think of your slugs as extra ornaments for the tree. In fact, I suggest you go all out and incorporate them fully into your holiday decor.

Once you've sobered up from the nog, simply put a ring of copper around the tree. You can either pile up the pennies or get copper strips or tubing from your local hardware store. We slugs don't like to slither across copper (though a few brave souls manage to do it on a dare--slugs cannot resist a dare from other slugs) so this will protect your Christmas slugs from getting stepped on and keep you from needing to add slime trails to the rest of your carpet to keep up with the fashionably glistening new look...though it does pick up the dazzle of Christmas lights quite nicely.

Then, in the spirit of the holiday, while you're putting out the milk and cookies for Santa, set out a nice bowl of water and some fresh (or semi-fresh) veggies for the slugs. They'll appreciate it and your holiday karma points will be adding up on the "nice" side of the naughty/nice scale. Plus, it puts things in perspective for your New Year's resolutions: sure, a fat guy on a sleigh can gobble down the milk and cookies, but if you don't have eight not-so-tiny reindeer to drag you around, best to stick with the water and leafy greens. You'll be in good company.

~A nameless slug in the Pacific Northwest