In Opposition

Dear slug,

Why don't most animals have thumbs?

XOXOX
Mindy

Dear X-Min,

I understand that you humans are very proud of your opposable thumbs, and indeed I see how they would be quite useful (especially for opening beer bottles or typing), but I don't think you will like the answer to your question. 

You see, although humans believe that their capacity to build and wield tools with their opposable thumbs makes them superior to other animals, they were in fact designed with such appendages in order that they might serve the rest of the animal kingdom better. You were given the intellect you so praise in order to allow you to rationalize your status and create the fantasy of being at the top of the hierarchy, when truly you are slaves to all our needs. 

There is some dissent in the animal kingdom, however, with regards to your care and treatment. While many of the so-called domesticated animals feel they have plenty of control over your actions, it is actually the rats and cockroaches who are in charge, and many feel they have gone too far toward using humans to create a world that is much to their liking, rather than one hospitable to all of us. Still, things aren't bad for us gastropods, so as long as you keep your fancy new snow tires away from me, I'm grateful for your services. After all, your thumbs were required to build computers.

Thank you.

Slughugs,
~A nameless slug in the Pacific Northwest